Often, when faced with an interpersonal conflict, many people do not know how to handle the situation. As a result, things spiral out of control which then hurt those involved in the conflict.
Upon considering an interpersonal conflict to blog about, I came across a news article on two men who were charged with affray when they fought in the MRT last month. This made me recall an incident which I had witnessed some years back that happened between two of my classmates.
My classmates, Rick and Shah were never on good terms. Shah always felt that most of Rick's actions were trying too hard to please the teacher and when Rick spoke to his classmates, his tone was always one that was condescending. Rick, on the other hand, did not have much liking towards Shah either. Rick felt that Shah was always on a defensive mode when they both interacted.
Then one day, Rick went up to Shah and picked on what Shah was doing at his desk. Shah initially asked Rick to leave him alone but Rick just went on pointing out what Shah was doing was simply a waste of time. After saying those words, Rick turned to leave and at that instance, Shah stood up and kicked Rick from the back. Refusing to lose out in any way, Rick retaliated and a fight broke out.
After the whole incident, only Shah was suspended from school for two weeks. When Shah resumed school, each time Rick and Shah met gazes, Rick would guiltily look away and Shah would continue to gaze fiercely at Rick. The conflict between Rick and Shah was never resolved and both of them continued to be wary of each other all the time.
Recounting this incident made me think deeper to analyse why this incident had happened.
In Shah's case, if Shah was willing to find out why Rick continuously tries to be in good books of the teachers, maybe he would be able to understand Rick a little better and clear up any misunderstanding between them. In addition, if Shah was willing to come to terms that each individual express themselves differently and accepts Rick as he is, the fight could have been prevented.
In my opinion, Rick had not put in enough effort to try to understand others as well. For example, when Shah was busy with something at his desk, probably working on an important assignment, Rick simply said that Shah was plainly wasting time. If Rick was willing to put himself in shoes of others, this incident could have been averted.
Also, Rick could have kept his tone in check when speaking to others. Rick often had the tendency to say statements such as "You are not capable of doing this task, I'll do it without your help.". If Rick had thought twice when speaking to others, such as "How about we approach this task using the method I suggested?", I am sure Rick would be a more likable presence.
Through this incident, it made me aware to be more careful with my words. How others respond to me depends very much on how I behave.
Being more sensitive to the emotions and nonverbal responses of others actually helps us to be in control of situations. Understanding people around us is also important because it helps to prevent friction between people when opinions or experiences differ.
Thus, resolving interpersonal conflict requires a lot of effort and courage to deal with all the unhappy instances that had occurred.
(Names mentioned in this post have been changed to protect the interests and identity of the individuals involved.)
